"When Does It End"

  I am trying to stay strong for my little girl, Natalie, and our unborn baby .. For if I didn't have them to push me along in this thing called life , I don't know if I could have made it a day after finding out I had lost the one person that meant the world to me , their daddy! I've heard countless times , "It gets better in time." Well what if I don't want it too? I just can't see it getting better, BETTER would be having him here beside me at night and kissing me when I least expect it and putting his arms around me from behind and whispering, "I love you, Anna!" Oh, how I miss those words streaming from his lips... I will not ever see how time will heal because whether others understand or don't , I woke up in this life, this nightmare... Literaly woke up to hearing two kind officers tell me the worst news I could possibly ever have to hear! I lost my love, my childrens daddy, my husband, and my soulmate to this thing we call life! I do believe it is God's plan and God's will that my Mason had to leave us to go to his eternal home, I am just afraid that I will not be able to love him there as I did here and the thought of that just rips at my heart and it's like telling me he died all over again! As far as I am concerned , there was two people in that car, two people in that casket , and two people in that urn... What am I here for ? Why did I live or did I? Why do I have the privilage of raising our beautiful babies, and not him? What caused God to need Mason before he needed me ... Then I begin to think well , I know I wouldn't want Mason to feel this pain ad grief I feel to this very day! I wouldn't want him to hurt, or cry! I'm not strong , I am literaly dying inside because I am stuck in this life , that I once thought was perfect , and now is falling apart in front of my face... How do I help my little girl and her little sibling know that their daddy loves them so very much and that he is with them every day... Why couldn't he hold his second child? This is like living in a horror movie and the thing that hurts is I have some that don't understand and think I am hurting myself... NO I'M NOT , I am hurting inside because I had to wake up to a life that is not mine, not my kids, we had a perfect little family Saturday, February 16th, 2013 , we had things looking up for us , a new home and our first night there, then the next morning my husband told me he was going to get us some breakfast , because we hadn't got our fridge put in yet ,and then told me he loved me , and he didn't come home! Or maybe I did wake up in an endless nightmare... This has to be worse than death itself! I am stuck and I will not and can not ever "MOVE ON"... "TIME will not HEAL"!!!!

I want to wake up and him be there holding me telling me it was all a dream and our sweet Natalie in between us and us family hugging :o)

Our babies need me and I am fully focusing on them and what they need ! I don't need time to heal anything that isn't healable! I'm forever 1/2 dead inside til I am in his arms again safe and sound!

I LOVE YOU MASON SINGLETON CLUCK!!!!

Anna Cluck